16 November 2011

The Wednesday Whinge – Angsty Angsty Cheep Cheep

As I sit here waiting for coffee to filter, I am consumed by angst – writers angst.  It’s the kind of angst that makes your stomach start to self-digest.  You see when I signed up to this writing thing I wanted to write books, get lost in a story, work with an editor to make it better. Enjoy the process as it moves from ideas to rough draft and on to a beautiful book that I could snuggle up with.   What I didn’t really factor in was all the other stuff.
The other stuff?  Yes, all the stuff that a writer must do to publicize their book.  I’ve been sitting at my computer for five days straight doing blog posts, guest posts, interviews, and stressing myself out about public appearances.  This is all happening during NaNo, and I’d promised myself at the beginning of November that I’d have the first draft of my next book on paper by the end of November, and I’m failing miserably. Why? It’s simple, I just don’t have time. Juggling four kids, and a time consuming career is tough work, and it’s only getting tougher. 
I’ve got three signings and readings over the next four days, and while this is super exciting, it’s also super scary. It makes me want to duck for cover. I’m lucky to have some really supportive bloggers and writing friends who cheer me on, but my confidence really just isn’t where it needs to be. I look at other writers as they work conference circuits, rocking the teen panels, churning out helpful information with beguiling charm, and wonder, will that ever be me? Would I/could I do that with such finesse?  As I sit here now sipping coffee that will only add to my aching stomach woes, I’m thinking …hell no, where is the nearest bunker? The only thing keeping me driving forward is the fact that everyone tells me once I’m up there talking I’ll be fine, and if I’m not, I have my Irish accent to fall back on. Apparently I could get up and start reading the rules of the road in my accent and the attendees would be entertained. I’m not convinced, but I’ll be popping into the DMV for a copy of rules, just to be on the safe side.
Wish me luck my friends.
All the best and talk soon.